One of the most significant things I learned from my mother is to live her favorite scripture:
“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” (Matthew 7:12; Luke 6:31). My mother and I know, as I imagine you do, too, that this scripture—The Golden Rule—is sometimes difficult to practice in everyday life.
Who among us has not fallen short in communication and actions consistent with The Golden Rule? Perhaps you have said or done something that was intentionally or unintentionally hurtful or harmful to a family member, friend, acquaintance, colleague, or stranger? Maybe you have hurt or harmed someone in a one-on-one conversation, in a group setting, over the phone, with an email, or through social media?
God forgives us when we ask for forgiveness in falling short in our treatment of others. However, God also expects each of us to live as best as possible the words of Jesus in The Golden Rule.
The United Methodist Church provides excellent guidelines for how we should treat people individually and collectively in all times and places. And so, I encourage you to join me in working to practice the guidelines as described in the article below consistent with The Golden Rule.
*Guidelines for Holy Conferencing: What God Expects of Us
“As God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience. Bear with one another and, if anyone has a complaint against another, forgive each other; just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in the one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly … And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him (Colossians 3:12-16a, 17).
Every person is a child of God. Always speak respectfully. One can disagree without being disagreeable.
- As you patiently listen and observe the behavior of others, be open to the possibility that God can change the views of any or all parties in the discussion.
- Listen patiently before formulating responses.
- Strive to understand the experience out of which others have arrived at their views.
- Be careful in how you express personal offense at differing opinions. Otherwise dialogue may be inhibited.
- Accurately reflect the views of others when speaking. This is especially important when you disagree with a position.
- Avoid using inflammatory words, derogatory names, or an excited and angry voice.
- Avoid making generalizations about individuals and groups. Make your point with specific evidence and examples. · Make use of facilitators and mediators.
- Remember that people are defined, ultimately, by their relationship with God – not by the flaws we discover, or think we discover, in their views and actions.
- We believe Christians can discuss important issues without the acrimonious debate and parliamentary maneuvering that can divide a group into contending factions. We see too many examples of that in secular society. We believe the Holy Spirit leads in all things, especially as we make decisions. We want to avoid making decisions in a fashion that leaves some feeling like winners and others like losers.
- We can change the world through honest conversation on matters about which we are passionate.”
*(This work is based on the guidelines for “Holy Conferencing” that emerged from the United Methodist “Dialogue on Theological Diversity” in February 1998 and continues to be practiced by many United Methodists today.)
How Are You Communicating with Your Words and Actions?